Who Am I and What Do I Want? The Looking-Glass Self, Maslow's Hierarchy and Self-Transcendence, and Ways to Record Yourself

The looking-glass self: me as reflected in others’ eyes

The sociologist Cooley (1902) called the way we understand ourselves the looking-glass self. It has three steps.

1. We imagine how we appear to other people.
2. We imagine how they judge us.
3. We feel emotions such as pride or shame according to that imagined judgement.

Mead (1934) later developed the idea that the self is built through interaction with others.

One study is particularly interesting. When Shrauger and Schoeneman (1979) reviewed the research, people’s self-assessments matched how they thought others saw them better than how others actually saw them. In other words, the mirror of the looking-glass self is often not others’ eyes themselves but the eyes we imagine. If one reaction on social media shakes you badly, it helps to look first at how you are interpreting that reaction.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: Maslow didn’t draw the pyramid

Maslow (1943) described human needs in the order physiological → safety → love and belonging → esteem → self-actualisation: higher needs become important once lower ones are reasonably satisfied.

A few facts are worth knowing.

• The pyramid: there is no pyramid in Maslow’s paper. The diagram spread from a teaching graphic drawn by management consultants in the 1960s (Bridgman, Cummings & Ballard, 2019). Maslow wrote that the order is not rigid and that several needs operate at once.
• Self-transcendence: late in life, Maslow added self-transcendence beyond self-actualisation — pursuing values beyond the self or a life lived for others (Maslow, 1969; Koltko-Rivera, 2006).
• Research findings: in an analysis of data from 123 countries, need fulfilment was linked to well-being, but people did not pursue higher needs only after fully meeting lower ones (Tay & Diener, 2011). Even in poor settings, relationships and respect mattered greatly for happiness.

So it is best to use the hierarchy as a checklist for asking “what am I missing right now?” rather than believing in it as a strict staircase.

Ways to know yourself more clearly by writing things down

Psychology calls how clearly you know who you are self-concept clarity. In research by Campbell et al. (1996), people with clearer self-concepts tended to have higher self-esteem and lower anxiety.

Here are some things you can try day to day.

• Keyword journaling: recall joyful moments, absorbing conversations and favourite hobbies, and collect the keywords that keep coming up — “learning,” “time alone,” “helping someone.”
• Link them to values: write down which values those keywords connect to, and check how much of those values is in your life right now.
• Emotional writing: research suggests that expressive writing — writing honestly about a difficult experience over several days — helps mood and health. The method is described in the writing section of the article on focus, habits and practice.

You can check how clear your self-concept is with OIYO’s self-concept clarity test.

Summary at a glance

Topic	Source and research	How to use it
Looking-glass self	Cooley (1902); matches imagined views of others better	Look at your interpretation before others’ reactions
Hierarchy of needs	Maslow (1943); the pyramid was drawn later	Use as a checklist, not a strict staircase
Self-transcendence	Added late in Maslow’s life (1969)	Look for values beyond yourself
Self-concept clarity	Clearer means higher self-esteem, lower anxiety	Record keywords and values

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References

• Cooley, C. H. (1902). Human Nature and the Social Order. Scribner’s.
• Mead, G. H. (1934). Mind, Self, and Society. University of Chicago Press.
• Shrauger, J. S., & Schoeneman, T. J. (1979). Symbolic interactionist view of self-concept: Through the looking glass darkly. Psychological Bulletin, 86(3), 549–573.
• Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396.
• Maslow, A. H. (1969). The farther reaches of human nature. Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, 1(1), 1–9.
• Koltko-Rivera, M. E. (2006). Rediscovering the later version of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: Self-transcendence and opportunities for theory, research, and unification. Review of General Psychology, 10(4), 302–317.
• Bridgman, T., Cummings, S., & Ballard, J. (2019). Who built Maslow’s pyramid? A history of the creation of management studies’ most famous symbol and its implications for management education. Academy of Management Learning & Education, 18(1), 81–98.
• Tay, L., & Diener, E. (2011). Needs and subjective well-being around the world. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(2), 354–365.
• Campbell, J. D., et al. (1996). Self-concept clarity: Measurement, personality correlates, and cultural boundaries. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(1), 141–156.